Child Safety and Protection

The following facts are alarming but “A child’s first teacher is their parent” and the following strategies and tips are very important to protect our children and keep them safe!

FACT: 1 in 4 children are molested before age 18, and 90% are known by the family or are family members.

FBI STATISTIC: 44% of abducted children are dead in one hour. 75% are dead in 3 hours.

FACT: ID cards, fingerprints, DNA kits, the Amber Alert, and tracking devices do nothing what-so-ever to prevent children from becoming missing.

FACT: Child safety and protection education goes beyond “Stranger Danger” and ID bracelets used in most education programs and schools. It is a personal and family matter.

FACT: Responsible parents who try hard to raise well-behaved children can actually set them up for exploitation. Their value system of good kids can make them ideal victims.

FACT: A child’s first teacher is their parent.

I remember reading that last fact above when my daughter was born and taking that to heart. Teaching her the basics was easy and fun. She grew to a toddler, than to a preschooler very quickly and I soon realized the outside world was having more of an influence on her as I enrolled her in preschool, hired babysitters and took her to Sunday School.

I remember hearing news reports about child abductions and child abuse but thought it could never happen to my daughter. After all I was extra careful about who she was with and I was with her the rest of the time to keep her safe and protected. I didn’t know I was leaving out the most important part of her education by not teaching her how to protect herself from harm when I wasn’t with her and the reality of how a child predator lures parents and children into trusting them every day.

I have since become aware of how clever child molesters and predators are. All age groups are targeted by child predators. Can you think of any job more important than protecting and saving our children? I guess not, because you care enough to read this article.

Respect your elders. If an adult tells you to do something, do it! One youngster said his molester constantly reminded him, “I’m the grown-up and you’re the kid. You better do what I say.” According to a 7 year old, who was molested by a family member, she thought because her molester was an adult, he could not have been wrong. Later she decided, “I must have been very bad and this was my punishment.” It is essential that parents teach their children to respect and obey authority, but do your children know about the misuse of authority?

Have you discussed with your child righteous indignation? Your child should know that if an adult (teacher, relative, coach) suggests something wrong-by touching them sexually or showing them pornographic pictures-they have your permission to say emphatically “No!” and it is okay to scream or run away if the adult persists. Don’t assume they will know that to do in this kind of situation. Tell them. Role playing works very well with young children to help them understand what you are talking about or you can use puppets.

Don’t be a tattletale. This is a value used by molesters. A molesting adult will often use physical or psychological threats to increase a child’s reluctance to tell. Could your child be victimized because of a good kid’s code of honor? “I promised I wouldn’t tell!” A parent needs to sit their child down and say, “if anybody ever touches you and makes you uncomfortable -tell me. I don’t care who it is-Daddy, Uncle, Grandpa, a neighbor, you tell me. We will make sure it doesn’t happen again.” It’s a tough thing for any parent to say, but it has to be said. Should a child start to object to every good-bye kiss from a relative, find out why and remember a child has a right to say no to a kiss.

For more important information for safeguarding your child from sexual predators go to Annie Samuels’ Child Safety Tips blog at http://child-safety-protection.blogspot.com/ and let me know what you think.

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Are Child Support Laws Equitable and Fair For Both Parents?

I know that this article as well as this subject is going to touch the chord of so many people both positive and negative, both mothers and fathers. I recently posed a question to both men and women and to my astonishment; both favored and concurred with it. So, what is it? Child support! Did you know that child support is determined on the income of the noncustodial parent? Yes, I’m sure most of you know that. However, do most of you agree that child support laws are antiquated and biased and needs to be changed?

If support payment is based on a noncustodial parent income, then what happens to the excess of the money that is received by the custodial parent once the child’s needs are taken care of? Most noncustodial parents want accountability for the payments received. I concur. During the divorce process, both parties are required to present a financial affidavit outlining all their expenses, assets and their income. Why then shouldn’t custodial parents outline the monthly expenses of the child or children and present that to establish support payment? If it takes only $500 for a child’s monthly expenses and the custodial parent receives $1200, then the remaining $700 is custodial support. Doesn’t seem fair does it? The question that was presented to both men and women was should custodial parents be accountable for the child support payment they receive?

Child support laws have changed in many states to include the income of both parents, however, it needs to be changed nationwide for child support to be based on the expenses of each child. Most noncustodial parents would then stop evading child support and those that are reluctant to pay child support will pay child support because it will be based on the expenses and needs of the child. In order to make child support fair to both parents, this small change can be easily implemented when establishing the child support order.

Christy is pregnant by her ex-boyfriend and she came to my office for advice on how to proceed with her relationship with the father of her child. She was initially quite angry and disappointed but elated that she was having a baby. She did not want the father involved with the unborn baby and wanted to do it all by herself. I thought how selfish, but I explained to her that her baby would benefit by having both parents involved in his/her life. In another session, we discuss how much child support she should receive. I asked her to write down all the expenses she would incur from having the baby as well as the budget monthly for caring for the baby. She brought the expenses during a follow-up session and I suggested that is the amount you ask for child support and present the father with the budget. When she came back, her relationship with the father had taken a positive turn. Christy informed me that he was relieved that she was fair and equitable in deciding on the financial responsibility of raising their child.

However, the face of child support is changing. Statistic shows that 85% of custodial parents are mothers and 15% are fathers. The fasting growing segment/population of parents are fathers. More and more fathers are fighting for custody and in today’s changing world; more fathers are getting custody of their children.

This is the perfect place to introduce Denise. Denise contacted me last year when her husband, of whom she was separated from, kept her two children when they visited him for the summer. She wanted to know her rights and the rights of her husband. What I told her shocked her. No parent actually has custody of their children unless it is outlined and determined in a divorce decree or in other documentation signed by both parents. I suggested to Denise that when the children come back for the Christmas holiday she could keep the children with her. However, I also suggested that she should have a candid conversation with her children to see where they prefer to live, with mommy or daddy.

At Christmas her two children came to visit, however, Denise did not take my advice. The children went back after the holiday to their father. During her divorce hearing in the following spring, and when the issue of custody was presented, the judge asked, “if you wanted the children with you, why didn’t you keep them when they came to visit?” He continued to say, “if you didn’t think the father was doing a good job with the children, why did you allow them to stay with him for so long.” Denise called me after the hearing and informed me that the father was awarded custody and she should have listened to me.

Denise is not the only mother I know that doesn’t have custody of their children and is the noncustodial parent. I have several mothers that I consult that are noncustodial parents. What happens when mothers are noncustodial parents? Do they have to pay the percentage outlined in child support laws? The answer is yes. What I’ve seen when mothers are noncustodial parents are fathers are more lenient to mothers paying child support and seldom demand that they pay the amount outlined in child support laws. This is the case for Denise. She only pays a small amount per month to the father for the care of her two children.

After seeing a trend in the way fathers who are custodial parents allow the mothers who are noncustodial parents to pay a smaller amount from the norm, it got me to thinking, why are so many mothers, who are custodial parents demanding noncustodial parents to pay a percentage of their income when in most cases that amount greatly exceed the need of the child or children.

I’m hoping that the laws will change in the future to allow custodial parents to outline the monthly expenses of their child or children when faced with child support. More noncustodial parents will stop evading paying child support and more will spend quality time with their children. Since 1975, over $100 billion is owed in unpaid child support. Of the amount owed, 70% of the noncustodial parents make less than $10,000 annually. The figure continues to grow because of the economy and the high number unemployment rate because of the amount of people being laid off. However, if both parents are working together for the same goals, and those goals are to love, provide, protect, be their physically, emotionally, and spiritually for our children, we are providing the best for our children.

When noncustodial parents pay child support, they are more likely to be involved and spend quality time with their children. Statistic shows that when both mother and father are actively involved in their children’ lives, the children do better in school, more likely to go to college, less likely to be involved in drugs, less likely to get pregnant, and less likely to be involved in gangs and violence. It starts with noncustodial parents being treated fairly when it comes to child support. After all it is “child support” not “custodial parent” support. Let’s work together to change the laws as it pertains to the monthly amount noncustodial parents pay for child support. You can start by contacting and writing your Senator or State Representative asking them to change the laws and make child support based on the monthly financial needs and expenses of the child or children. We can make a difference and we can strengthen families.

A child needs both parents involved in their life. When one parent abuses or misuses the other parent, a great amount of strain is placed on the relationship. The parent who is absent from the home, the noncustodial parent, will feel resentment and most likely stay away, even at the sacrifice of not seeing his/her child or children. I hear it time and time again from noncustodial parent and in most of my sessions with custodial parents; I communicate the frustrations and desires of noncustodial parents. Some times my message is positively received and other times the emotions of the custodial parents and noncustodial parents perpetuate a great division between both parents. I strongly believe that if most custodial parents appreciated and respected noncustodial parents many dilemmas between the two parents could be greatly avoided. Also, by no means am I taking away the responsibilities of noncustodial parents, what I see daily are the opportunities being taken away from noncustodial parents.

When one parent is no longer living in the same household with the other parent and children, a child support battle ensues. It can be made easier with less emotion and with both parents satisfied with the process if the actual expenses of the child or children are taken into consideration. All noncustodial parents will know exactly where the money is being spent and that child support payments are being accounted for. Parenthood is an opportunity and responsibility. So many times one parent takes that away from the other parent. We as parents can make a difference in the lives of our children by providing the best for them. The best for them is both parents actively participating and involved in our children lives and both parents wanting and providing the best for our children. What a wonderful world this would be.

Here are some suggestions to move more towards an amicable relationship with the other parent.

o Decide that your child’s or children’ best interest is the most important aspect of the relationship with both parents.

o Write a budget for each child. Make a list of all the expenses that is involved with the monthly care and needs of each child.

o Start appreciating the other parent and realize that they make a world of difference in the lives of their children.

o Get past the emotional upsets that caused the relationship to go awry. Parenting without the emotional upsets toward the other parent will open up a new relationship between both parents that will ultimately benefit your children.

o Contact your child support office and let them know that the budgeted amount calculated in as mentioned above in the second point is what you want to receive monthly for child support.

o Contact your Senator or State Representative and let them know that child support law need to be based on the expenses of each child and abolish the percentage of income of the noncustodial parent based laws.

o Watch and see the noncustodial parent playing a more important and bigger role in their child’s or children’ lives.

o Watch and see the difference in your child or children.

o Better yet, watch and see how your life will ultimately change because of letting go of all the hurt, pain, anger, disappointment, frustrations and whatever other emotional baggage that festered inside of you. Your family will completely change for the better.

I hope that these suggestions are received and are acted upon and that overnight your life, your children’ lives and the noncustodial life will change for the better. However, we are all human and it make take some longer than others. The most important aspect of change is wanting to change and wanting what’s best for not only ourselves, but for those we love. Start with one suggestion and keep adding each day, each week and whenever you’re able to move on.

Take my advice because I have played the role of both custodial and noncustodial parent and I feel and have lived the experiences of both. Trust me, my advice will make a world of difference for your children.

Dawnette Lounds-Culp
Publisher/Author
The Face of Child Support
http://www.angeleyespublishingco.com

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Dyslexia Statistics – Is Dyslexia a Big Problem?

There is not a lot of information readily available on dyslexia statistics, but through some careful extrapolation of other statistics, there are some startling conclusions that can be drawn.

It is important to note, that with dyslexia, there is a wide baseline. It is estimated that between 5% and 15% of all people in North America have some form of dyslexia. That may not look like a very wide range, but when you factor in the US population being a little over 300 million people, that is a difference of 15 to 45 million people with the disorder. For argument’s sake, this article will use the mean of that statistic and we will estimate 30 million people have dyslexia in varying degrees. To further put this into perspective, that is roughly the population of Texas and Tennessee-or five times the population of Wisconsin.

Compared to other known neurological conditions in the United States, statistics indicate that the rate of dyslexia in the US population is higher than autism (2 million) and ADHD combined (27 million). Yet, it seems like dyslexia awareness is not proportionate to these numbers and does not receive the research funding that is warranted by these statistics.

This is telling, as a little under 50% of all parents wait for a year or more to have their child tested for dyslexia. That is one more year of frustration, heartbreak and isolation felt by a child who could benefit from a proper diagnosis and treatment. Dyslexia statistics show that roughly 40% of boys and 20% of girls with a dyslexic parent have dyslexia. This information is not generally known to parents. Factor in a parent who themselves were not diagnosed and this becomes critical information for everyone.

Further complicating identification of children with dyslexia is emerging evidence that suggests 20% to 55% of dyslexics also suffer from attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder as well. Treating one will not solve the other, but often these children receive treatment for ADHD only, as it more easily identified.

The hardest thing about compiling dyslexia statistics is simply that all the available resources are scattered and not really compared to other disorders. It’s not so much that no one cares, it’s mainly that there are no real obvious signs of dyslexia. Dyslexia isn’t “glamorous” or even noticeable in the child until they begin to read, write or do simple arithmetic. Even then it’s easier to make assumptions or throw them into a generalized learning disability program. No one sends a blind child to a school for the deaf-why would anyone assume sending a child with dyslexia to a class specializing in other disorders is acceptable?

If you would like to learn more about dyslexia statistics, visit Dee Henry’s website at http://www.dyslexiahealth.com/ where you can buy her outstanding book on dyslexia facts you should know and subscribe to her free email course on the subject.

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Don’t Give Up the Job Search

Don’t become a statistic

If you’re unemployed and you give up looking for a job, you will not be alone. In economic jargon you will be a “discouraged worker,” and according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, there were about 717,000 of those in the first quarter of this year. That’s a 70% increase over the first three months of 2008.

Here’s why you shouldn’t give up:

Lots of people have given up on searching for a job right now and are waiting it out, hoping the economy will pick up next year. But not everyone has the enough cash today to wait out the recession, and those people are still out there pounding the streets looking for a pay day source. As bleak as your employment prospects may seem, hiring is a numbers game and the people who land the most interviews get the jobs. That’s not to say that it’s easy to keep searching when nothing seems to come of it.

Here’s what Wikipedia says about it:

A discouraged worker is a person of legal employment age who is not actively seeking employment. This is usually due to the fact that an individual has given up looking or has had no success in finding a job, hence the term “discouraged.” Their belief may derive from a variety of factors including: a shortage of jobs in their locality or line of work; perceived discrimination for reasons such as age, race, sex and religion; a lack of necessary skills, training or experience; or, a chronic illness or disability.

Here’s a helpful book:

Recently I came across a helpful book by Whelan and Stone called Goal!: Your 30-Day Game Plan for Business and Career Success (Quill Driver Books, $14.95). It’s a one-day-at-a-time workbook for crystallizing short-term steps toward long-term goals, and recording each day’s progress. If you’re struggling to find work, the book could be a helpful tool for keeping track of what you’ve done and what you should do next.

Here’s what I’d suggest:

Last year I went through the ups and downs of job-searching for more than six months. I was inundated with all kinds of advice, but the best suggestions were the simplest, and they came from my local employment office:

* Contact three prospective employers each day. Employer contacts include applying for a job online or in person, going to an interview, or inquiring about employment at a company that interests you, whether or not they’re advertising any job openings. Record the contact information for each company along with a description of what you did.

* Meet with someone in your network every day. Networking makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but it’s better than becoming isolated while you’re in transition. Plus, it’s the best way to find out what’s going on in the hiring world. So meet with someone every day, even if all you do is stop by someone’s office for a brief chat or share a cup of coffee somewhere. Networking isn’t so much about asking for a job as it is about sharing information. Getting out and staying connected is a great way to ward off discouragement.

* Be accountable to someone. To keep yourself motivated, at the end of each week report to someone who is interested in your progress. It should be someone you trust and whose opinion you value. A spouse or a friend or an ex-coworker can be a great coach – someone to remind you that you are worthy and that it’s not hopeless.

* Keep your mind on the job. Keep your goal clearly in mind. The mind is a powerful thing. Focus on what you want in a job, and dismiss those nagging thoughts about you the things you do not want. Think about success, keep plodding, and you will eventually get the job you want.

Deborah Weiss is a professional writer for Personal Money Store. to read more articles from Personal Money Store and Deborah, please follow the link below:
http://personalmoneystore.com/moneyblog/2009/06/08/don/

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